Is Fitness Worth It?

Have you ever belonged to a fitness club, a gym as it were? A place to become fit? A place where entertainment is all around if you know how to look for it. A place where the little 90 pound weakling can think he is Adonis and the that big guy over there, yeah the one in the Speedo…yeah that one, gut hanging over it? He thinks he is Michael Phelps. Oh, that woman, the one in the sweat suit, running on the track? She thinks she is on the beach as Bo Derek, a real 10. Nothing wrong with it really, it helps self-esteem. I, for example, am a middle-aged woman with a gray streak like Lily Munster (better than a yellow one), that does not want to get older.

I have belonged to a few fitness clubs during my life. Most with my best girlfriend, Laurie. I am sure that if I go deep into the recesses of my memory, I’d remember why we would want to waste our time. We would sign up for a free month, go a few times and decide that we wouldn’t get our money’s worth. We would have but we were young, going to the local bars and looking for men was a priority.

Ok, back to the subject. I decided to join the YMCA this time around. At 52 years old, my hanging at the local bar and, as my mom used to say, “Lynda and the Marines have the same motto, they are both looking for a few good men”, are over. This time, I’m at the gym for me. I started with me losing some weight and thinking, damn, I’ve stopped losing, I have to do something in the meantime. I have absolutely no self-discipline and after taking several surveys, I ended up at the “Y”.

I went to the “Y” to check it out for myself, after having being told it was really a nice facility, not the inner city brick building I had envisioned. As I walk up to the desk, the young man in his teens who is obviously in training asks if he can be of assistance. Just out of curiosity, do these places ever hire the old, overweight, under toned or the just plain well, plain? Personally, I think that fitness employees are androids, no one could possibly look that good. My young friend gives me the tour…from the “family” locker room (I’m still hoping that vision will be erased from my retina), pool and basketball courts to the upstairs were the weight training, yoga, track and cycles are located. Quick tour but how much do I really need to see, right? Until he shows me the Senior Citizen package, the sixteen year old is doing a fine job. In addition, yes, until the manager came to check on the lad’s progress, I was going along with the Senior thing. I managed to get myself signed up for months of pain, I mean fitness.

My first trip was only to get a feel for the place and all I did was ride the stationary cycle. And the entertainment was astonishing. Just looking around me, I was able to get an idea of the type of people I’d be sharing this space with. First, there is a guy, maybe about my age, lifting weights in the corner. Seems like he is having quite a love affair going on, with himself. I swear I saw him throw himself a kiss in the mirror. Now on the right of me is a little guy, I mean short not young. He has what I call the Dudley Moore syndrome. I can tell by the way he is looking at the women around him that he thinks he is Hugh Hefner. Honestly, someone should tell this guy that it’s not his height that is turning the women off, it’s his attitude.

Now, my next trip was to start a 12 week weight training program. Cool really. I now have been told my fat mass (like it wasn’t obvious before, now it’s in writing) and have a regular schedule for the equipment. I ride a stationary bike for five minutes to warm up. However, I ride for about 15, I read on the bike and forget the time. Now I’m really warmed up. Ready for those weight machines,

The first machines are for the lower body,,,legs to be exact. Leg presses and curls. Then there are these two machines that tell me that I’m exercising. I’m not sure my legs are supposed to spread that far apart. But, it works. I feel the pain the next day. I’ve also noticed that men never use these machines. They don’t have an inner thigh problem? Probably not. I have, however, noticed that the some men will watch women on these machines. Use your imagination as to why.

Now I’m off to work my upper body. Now I people watch everyone else. This is better than any reality show you could ever watch. My favorites are the scrawny teenagers. May God bless each and every one of them individually, as they are the most pitiful of all His creatures. It also proves to me that He has quite a sense of humor. These boys work so hard to look good. As I’m working on the machines, I saw this one boy is working the nautilus machines at weights that would be right for him. Well, well he has spotted a girl he must fancy. Too bad he is 13 and she has to be at the very least 22. I’m sure he’ll be dreaming. But I notice that when she walks by him and the machine he is working on, he acts as if he just got to the machine and changes the weights from what looks like 100 pounds to 175. As he begins to work the chest press, I can see the veins in his neck bulging (yes, I know the muscles should) just to impress this girl. Guess what? Right, it’s not working. I’m not seeing a six-pack, I’m seeing a ribcage.

As I finish my workout, walking past all of those pumping iron I think to myself, is all this going to be worth the pain I’m going to be in tomorrow and the next day? Why I’m I bothering with it, age with grace Lynda. Lynda answers, “Hell no! I’m not going to be my Grandmother! I’m planning on fighting it all the way baby”! Anyone care to join me? Misery loves company!